Cats vs. Covers

Cats are cover hogs.  They don't take up a lot of room, but they definitely try to hog the covers.

Twink always gets the covers to my left.  She gets them all bunched up and then goes into a coma. 

Lillie-Belle does a sly little crawl, nose first, and worms her way beneath the covers and finds the most uncomfortable (for me) position possible.  And then here comes Big Puck.  It's all over now.  The rest of the posse jostles for position ... someone always has to sleep on my pillow (Little Mess) and someone always wants to sleep on top of where Lillie-Belle has burrowed (Darwin).   

Any attempt to roll over, in fact any attempt to change positions at all, is futile.  Pets in the pits, pets in the knee curves, pets on the sides.

If you want a good night's sleep, don't sleep with cats. Or dogs.  Or cats and dogs.  

And that's Tuesday's Tip.

Cats Versus Computers

Cats versus computers.  Computer loses. Doesn't matter where the computer is.  On the desk - on the kitchen table, on your lap, or next to you in bed.  Computer goes on, cat goes to work.

And by "cat goes to work," I mean, cat goes into "hyper-annoy" mode, or "HA" for short.  Each cat has their own version of HA.  For Darwin, HA means getting as close as possible to the keyboard so that, the very instant my fingers stop typing, he spreads himself like peanut butter across the keys.

Lillie-Belle is much sneakier.  She lies next to me in bed, pretending to be uninterested.  And slowly but surely, her body worms its way beneath my arm, over my stomach and ever closer to the keyboard.  I push her away and soon she is once again worming her way towards the keyboard.  Over and over again, until I finally get up and move to the couch.  Where I encounter ...

Twink.  Who in all of her Twink-torti-HA boldness just waddles over and plops herself on my lap.  My lap on which I am trying to work on my laptop.

So I have no choice.  I must teach them all to type.

Cats Versus Water

Cats hate water.  Surely there are some cats that enjoy a dip now and then, or a sudsy bath, but as a general rule, cats hate water.  Unless they are drinking it.

I have had the displeasure of having to bathe many a cat in my life, and not a one of them enjoyed it.  My arms have the scratchy scars to prove my words.  A good rule of thumb is to give the cat a nail trimming before the bath, but chances are you are still going to get scratched.  And badly.

Some cats like to sleep curled up in sinks, and some cats even like to drink from faucets.  And I'm sure I'll hear from people who have known cats that like to swim.

But I have never known a cat that liked water, and I have never known anyone who knew a cat that liked water.  Cats that like to swim? Surely an urban legend ....

Cats Versus Car Rides

Not sure why every cat I've ever owned has hated car rides.   And when I say hate, I mean it in every sense of the word.

I have heard of a few cats that actually enjoyed car rides and would accompany their owners on drives.

My experience has been quite unpleasant.  The worst of mine is Puddin.  She begins wailing like a banshee the second she is put into a carrier.  In fact just getting Puddin into a carrier is an ordeal - she fights the process tooth and claw.

Puddin shrieks so loud whilst I'm going down the road that I have to turn up the radio.  And where there is shrieking, there is pee and poop.  And vomit.  That pretty much goes for whichever cat is in the car - shriek, pee, poop and vomit.  Usually in that order.

When it comes to cats versus cars, the cars definitely lose.

Cats Versus Fresh Flowers

I love cats.  I love fresh flowers.  I love the way a beautiful vase of freshly cut flowers looks and smells - a fresh bouquet on the dining room table or kitchen counter brings the room alive.

The stalking begins almost at first touch of the vase to the table - they stalk the flowers from the stairway landing, from behind the couch, from behind the drapes.  And before you know it, they are upon them.

Cats love fresh flowers.  They love to sit and stare at them, chew on them, pull them out of the vase.  Toss the leaves all over the house, attack the flower pedals.  Make a mess with the water.  Chew on the leaves and throw up.  Cats versus flowers.  Flowers lose.

Cats Versus Sleeping In

Maybe it's because they can sleep all day if they want to, and they often do.  But cats, my cats at least, do not, ever, allow me to sleep in.  Not even one day a week.

Typically I will awaken quite early to any number of things:  Twink smashed against my side-head-thigh or leg, Little Mess and Opie growling at each other from opposite ends of the bed, Puck laying on my pillow above my head and purring like a locomotive, and/or Darwin causing a calamity opening cupboards and knocking things around once inside.

Of course this is all because, from watching the way they all run around the cat dishes once I'm out of bed, they obviously haven't eaten in years.  Twink is especially obnoxiously loud, running to and fro and here and there in a frenzy until she is fed.  Umm, Twink, looked in a mirror lately? 

And Puck wails like a banshee .... he of the 20-lbs.  So on a Saturday morning, when I should be snuggled up in bed with my sweet dreams, I am forced to journey to the kitchen and conjure up breakfast for the felines.  Well, then of course the dogs must be fed as well.

Sweet dreams, indeed.